


of dreams of the past

by mellowie



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Dreams, Fluff, Hopeful Ending, M/M, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Taeyong's predebut days, but more of just sad, child Doyoung and his ice cream accident, slight angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-15
Updated: 2019-12-15
Packaged: 2021-02-26 16:41:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,634
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21801448
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mellowie/pseuds/mellowie
Summary: “Your dreams...” Taeyong whispered to Doyoung. “They are beautiful.”Doyoung smiled. “So are yours.”“Mine?”“Yeah, don’t you see it yet?”“I…” Taeyong grew quiet. “I don’t know if I ever can.”“Hmm, well...” Doyoung tilted his head. “Do you see me, then?”
Relationships: Kim Dongyoung | Doyoung/Lee Taeyong
Kudos: 40





	of dreams of the past

**Author's Note:**

> I found myself intrigued by Taeyong's pre-debut days, of "the Taeyong of the past", how was he like and what he must be feeling, and began writing this during a time when I was feeling quite lost too.
> 
> I managed to finish this now that I'm passed that period of time, and looking back on it, I wonder how my feelings were different from before. Doyoung's ice cream incident will always inspire me, and I hope we could pursue our dreams without faltering too :')

“One day, you’ll be able to see yourself clearly.”

Someone once told Taeyong those words. Someone who, to him, was crystal clear in both mind and soul. Someone whom he loved deeply.

It hurt.

It hurt to not be able to live up to the version of him reflected in those pure eyes.

To think that once he might not have a future on stage with him. His dreams that were crushed into bits finer than sand. Could they be even called dreams? Or were they simply wishes that held strong alone, but spilled through his fingers the moment he tried cupping them in his hands?

Taeyong thought that he had found a way out of the endless dark. When he took the outstretched hand of someone else leaning over above, he wanted to hold on with all his might. He had enough of fighting against people who only kicked him down. He told himself that he is strong, that he must prove himself to people who could actually see him. 

And then reality threw him back down from where he had desperately climbed up.

If he couldn’t stand on the stage where the lights blinded him, if he couldn’t reach the place he had always believed he was destined for, then where would he go? Where _could_ he go?

[ ... _What am I living for?_ ]

The static red light motioned him to a stop. Taeyong let the endless chatter of the crowd passing by behind him, the hurried strides of people in polished leather shoes, the rush of traffic, to blend into one entity, fading away into the smothered background.

_How much more does he have to go till he could cross over to where he could see the horizon? How much more of himself does it take? Will everything finally come to an end if he were to..._

_...Tap, tap, tap._

Echoes of footsteps approaching from behind cut through the noise like a beam of light in the darkness. From the corner of his eye, Taeyong caught the silhouette of someone he knew very well but didn’t expect to see.

A little boy, around the height of his waist, skipped past him, gripping an ice cream cone. The white cream looked soft and fluffy; it must be the popular vanilla flavor from the shop down the street that parents always brought their kids. But there was something about the boy’s familiar carefree movements, his straightforward look, that stirred up a feeling of longing within Taeyong.

What surprised him was that the boy didn’t stop next to the other pedestrians waiting along with him. An anxious feeling nagged at his chest. Taeyong frowned and looked up. The red light remained motionless. But the boy was already walking ahead. His eyes were on the ice cream, not on the road.

Alarmed, Taeyong instantly reached his hand out for the child but faltered midway. There seemed to be an invisible force holding him back. A force that seized his throat, froze his muscles and blurred his vision.

The boy had still not noticed what was hurtling towards him on his right. He was blissfully oblivious of his own fate, yet his tiny steps remain light and free. Taeyong didn’t know which came first: the screeching of tires begging to halt in time, or the screaming that pierced the air.

Right before Taeyong’s teary eyes, the boy was sprawled across the road. The truck managed to swerve in time to avoid a direct collision. Still, even from a distance, the boy’s right leg was damaged beyond shape.

The time that had slowed down during the impact started to accelerate as passer-by swiftly sprung into action in a panicked frenzy. A handful of them called for help, mobile phones whipped out to alert the authorities. A few spoke to the shocked truck driver, while others attended to the unmoving boy.

Taeyong watched all of this unfold before him. No one seemed to be aware of his presence. They pushed past and bumped shoulders with him to get a look at the kid, despite him standing right at the heart of the scene. This came as a strange relief.

But what was most astonishing was that not a single sound came out of the tight-lipped boy. His small hands kept their tight hold around the caramel cone that was now crushed into splinters, the sweet white cream flowing from between his fingers dripping to mix with a murky red puddle on the ground.

When Taeyong saw the boy’s expression, he knew the source of his strength at once. Those bright burning eyes, fiercely fixed onto his beloved ice cream, bore a fearlessness that struck at Taeyong’s core.

The boy had never once let go. 

[ _Ah, so that’s how your dreams are like…]_

Taeyong reached his hand out. There was nothing holding him back now, so he rubbed his thumb against the ear of his partner with affection, fingers brushing against strands of ash-dyed hair. His partner turned towards him, eyes glinting in expectation of mischief, but softened when he saw the intensity of Taeyong’s gaze.

“Your dreams...” Taeyong whispered to Doyoung. “They are beautiful.”

Doyoung smiled. “So are yours.”

“Mine?”

“Yeah, don’t you see it yet?”

“I…” Taeyong grew quiet. “I don’t know if I ever can.”

“Hmm, well...” Doyoung tilted his head. “Do you see me, then?”

“Of course I do,” Taeyong said at once. “The only one I see is you.”

At that, Doyoung leaned back on the glistening grass with a soft sigh. _What do I do with you_ , he seemed to be thinking, yet the corners of his lips were curled into a smile.

Ten minutes ago, Doyoung had dropped everything to rush over when he recognized his hyung’s anxious knocks on his door. With his bath towel still over his shoulder and his hair dripping wet, Doyoung stared wide-eyed at the shaken Taeyong who looked as though he had just returned from a feverish dream.

With no questions asked, Doyoung agreed to an impromptu retreat with Taeyong as the clock struck exactly midnight. Though, Taeyong turned slightly red and waited for a moment while Doyoung hastily went to put on a shirt first. After that, they set off for the open field on the hill that overlooked the city.

Doyoung, who later fussed about how Taeyong didn’t bring a jacket despite the cold and insisted that Taeyong borrow his.

All they could see outside is the pitch-black sky. Doyoung, who usually have so many things to say, was quiet. Taeyong let Doyoung’s faint scent to linger on his skin, closing his eyes to feel the soothing wind on his face and savor this precious moment of them alone. 

Then, his world of darkness wrapped itself around him.

Taeyong took in the surrounding void, an environment not unfamiliar to him. But this time, something felt different. His feet began to move forward, not pulled by the strings of someone else, but driven by an unspoken instinct in his chest.

A red beacon floated by, sending signals of misdirection, a warning of not belonging. 

Taeyong stepped closer to the red light. It sizzled the moment he touched it. Taeyong could feel the throbbing of his heartbeat as though he was holding it in his hands. He knew it would hurt if he didn’t listen to it, but then he couldn’t see anything beyond it. 

_What should he do? Where must he go?_

The boy who appeared in his previous dream made a step into the darkness, the firm sound of impact on the ground resonating in Taeyong’s mind. He zoomed past Taeyong before he could react. The boy ran with an immeasurable zest, too immersed to catch his breath, too headstrong to look elsewhere to reaffirm if he was going the right way.

This was the boy who held onto his ice cream, never yielding until the very end. The boy whose dreams remained pure and passionate as he never stopped trying to fulfill them. 

Years later, the boy would grow up and eventually meet Taeyong at a time when Taeyong was still lost. They would run into each other at the staircase of a building, the springboard to their pursuing dreams. Taeyong would never forget how the boy had extended his hand, giving his signature gummy grin. 

On that day spun by fate, Taeyong learned of the name, “ _Doyoung_ ,” from his lips, which in time would mean a close friend and dear partner who never stopped believing in him or his forsaken dreams.

Taeyong ran. He stumbled past the red beacon, ignoring all the signs, and pushed on to follow the trail and catch up with child Doyoung.

Faster and faster he went, no matter how much his legs felt like giving up. He refused to let his fears paralyze his heart any longer until he could finally reach for the boy’s shoulder- 

-and all at once his dim world opened up to reveal a shower of stars raining upon him.

Him running into the dazzling future so bright that Taeyong didn’t realize that the tears flowing down his cheeks came from the freedom that he had chased after for so long.

When he opened his eyes, he found himself lying down on the soft grass with Doyoung looking over him, eyebrows furrowed with worry. The gentle blanket of the night enveloped them. Doyoung looked like he wanted to say something, but Taeyong reached out first and pulled his partner into a long overdue hug.

Where he could finally say that he could see it. That it was right here with him all this time. That he could always find himself again, even when the stars couldn’t be seen.

Goodbye to the Taeyong of no dreams.

Hello to a beautiful world of new beginnings.

_Goodbye_.

  
  



End file.
